Wednesday, June 18, 2014

How old is she?

I often think I must be forgetting how old my daughter really is, I'm almost certain that she is one but her ridiculous, psychotic tantrums tell me otherwise. I realised ever since she's been having visits with her dad, she's turned into an evil alien child that I was  not  aware I had. Say goodbye to my little happy, full-of-beans and lots of giggles baby and hello to little miss stroppy; heavy on the attitude. I really wish she would redirect her strength for hitting, kicking and screaming to sleeping. Oh the world would be a better place. 

Instead, she's adopted a new habit that happens between 11pm and 4am every night, where she has a complete and total lack of respect for my ear drums and screams our room down. Oh how I long for the day we have separate rooms. It was about 1:30am this morning when I thought to myself "What is love?" Love is getting woken up by a scream that sounds like your child is being tortured when really she just wants to get up and play. Love is bopping up and down, patting butts, mumbling melodies at 2am in the morning to a kid who refuses to sleep. Love is putting your said child in bed with you to try and comfort her back to sleep only so you can be kicked in the ribs, stomach, face, punched, kissed, and climbed on as if you're a freaking jungle gym only to have to get out of bed for the 500th that night because with in 5 seconds she's managed to do all of the above, jump out of the bed and run over and start banging her head against the door... All this and she is still screaming. Who would have thought a little asthmatic would have the lung capacity to scream for over an hour straight? Not me! Love is not having slept more than 2 hours straight in almost 5 months. Yep, okay great! I am capable of loving. 

I'm always thinking, if she didn't go to daycare, if she didn't have to see her dad then maybe the precious little well behaved cute giggly daughter I once had would still be here, at least until she turned 2. Then the tantrums would be okay. 

I've found myself thinking lately about the other girls who had babies the same time as me and they are due for their second baby any time now and all I can think is that they must be on drugs, or they have perfectly well behaved kids. The last thing I would want is to be pregnant while my little miss is going through such a trying season. The good thing is, all seasons come to an end. 

And so did our night last night, it may have ended at 3:45am but atlas she fell asleep.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Dear God,

Thank you for loving me at my darkest. 
Thank you for blessing me with a daughter. 
Thank you for my parents. 
Thank you for my brothers andsisters. 
Thank you for protecting me. 
Thank you for providing me with everything I need.
Thank you for forgiving me.
And forgiving me some more. 
Thank you for saving me. 

Today I am thanking Him for everything I have and everything I am. Why? Because I am stuck today, being reminded of everything I've done and everything I was. Today, I am struggling. Today, I am holding on by the thinnest of strings, hoping that He won't forsake me. 

The best part? I know he won't forsake,
I know he is carrying me through this day.

The alcohol that once carried me. The drugs that once carried me. The immoral activities that once carried me through the day. Those temptations. I am tempted but I am not worried. I am thirsty for them, I'm not concerned. I know that my God has this. I don't, he does. He has the strength I need.

Every day I am being saved.
Every day I am being forgiven. 
Every day. I need a  s a v i o u r .

I loved you at your darkest. 

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Flourless Chocolate Cake

I never imagined I would cook something flourless. It just wouldn't cross my mind UNTIL I was shopping at 2am in the morning. Yes, shopping. If you live in QLD, Australia then you will be familiar with the ridiculous 36 hour shop right before Christmas. 

It started when I needed a coffee, I was over Christmas shopping, I was tired and I desperately needed a pick me up. Although I didn't want anything heavy. I ordered my coffee and noticed what looked like a chocolate fudge cake. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read that it was FLOUR LESS! No flour? Whatever. I decided to give it ago. I needed a pick me up and banana bread was not the answer. I needed chocolate and this was my only option.

 It was mouth watering. 

It wasn't very sweet but the side of strawberries and cream complimented the cake amazingly. 

Tonight I decided to make my own flourless chocolate cake. Here is the final picture! 


I thoroughly recommend reading the whole recipe first instead of reading as you bake. DO NOT use a pan witha removable base (springback). It will ruin the cake.

My cakes ended up VERY thin, thinner then what it should be although I had a few mishaps with the recipe. So that possibly could have just been me. But I layered it with two slices and it was perfect. 

Enjoy xx

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Zarbo Brownies


I have to say, this is my favourite EVER recipe. You cannot go wrong with these New Zealand Zarbo brownies!!! They are perfect for ALL occasions. 

300 grams butter
300 grams dark chocolate
11/2 cups of Plain flour
1/2 cup of Cocoa
2 cups of sugar
6 eggs
2 teaspoons of vanilla essence

Sift flour and cocoa in a bowl. Set aside.

Put a heat proof bowl on top of saucepan with simmering waters. Do not let the bowl actually touch the water. Melt the butter and chocolate in the bowl, stirring constantly until melted and silky. Remove from saucepan and let cool until warm. 

In a separate bowl whisk together the eggs and sugar until thick but not too thick. Add in the vanilla and the chocolate mixture. Whisk until well combined and then pour into bowl with the flour. Fold the mixture together until well combined. 

Grease brownie pan and put in oven for 23 minutes or until cooked. I love when the brownies are a bit gooey. Tasty. 

Friday, January 10, 2014


There is something about the feeling I get when I change the furniture around. 
We don't have much room, so there isn't a lot we can do but we do well with what we've got.
Reorganising is my mission for 2014. I don't want any crazy resolutions. I want to take what I've got and reorganise it. Sometimes we don't need to get rid of anything, or buy anything new, or dramatically change our life. Sometimes simply reorganising a few things is enough.

Today I accomplished a massive clean out and room change and the best feeling what sitting in our clean, reorganised room, with the lantern lights on, feeding L her bottle and reading her a story. 
Our life is pretty good and it's only going to get better.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Christmas Festivities

Beginning of festivities...

So, I decided to begin the season by sewing Laela a christmas dress!
I used the same pattern for this dress as I did for the sunshine and polka dot dress, I'm definitely perfecting it.

I love the christmas season, it's amazing. Christmas baking, decorating the tree, putting lights on the house and of course the christmas candles!